View From the Top
by vipper902
Summary: Midvalley and Legato playing hopscotch, Knives trying to look down Dominiques shirt, Zazie has gone gangster, Meryl is trying to molest are bishounens, and Wolfwood and Vash just can't seem to decide...who's going to be on top? What's really going on?


Disclaimer- Me? Own something? Ha!

A/N- Yes. I'm back with another stupid perverted one-shot. Yay! (all rejoice) Anyway, Trigun has been my latest obsession. It's just so great, that I HAD to write a perverted story for it. I've just written to much angst. Who knows, maybe if I write pointless perverted crap I'll feel better and start writing my other stories again.

Warnings- Can you say "This story is stupid, pointless, and perverted, and this author has no business writing fics in the first place?" Well if you can, then that's all the warning you need! Cursing, sexual themes (yep kiddies, run!) and um...maybe violence. Oh yeah and character bashing. Fun!

* * *

"I want to be on top," Wolfwood announced as he stepped into the scantly furnished room. He slid his Cross Punisher off of his shoulder and let it rest against the wall. Vash merely stared blankly at the priest as he pulled out a cigarette.

"No way!" he yelled in that oh-so-mature Vashy way that he does. "You got to be on top last time."

"Your point?" he questioned as he reached into his pocket, fishing for a match. He frowned as fingers brushed against unknown objects. Squinting dark eyes, he craned his neck and peered down into the dark abyss that was his pocket.

Vash, in the mean time, remained oblivious to his friends dilemma. "But Wolf-wooooood!" he whined, stretching out the name. "That's not fair!"

"Life isn't fair," the dark haired man muttered as he continued searching for the blasted matches. His fingers finally grasped something that felt like a match and pulled it out, only to reveal...a spork? Why in Gods name did he have a spork in his pocket? He shrugged and continued on his quest.

The blond haired outlaw sighed to himself, then walked over to the priest and plopped down in front of him. He then pouted in that irresistibly adorable manner, and his large puppy eyes sparkled (literally, as it seemed glitter was falling from the beams of hotel ceiling) as he stared up at Wolfwood. The priest merely glanced at him as he continued looking through his pocket. He pulled out a bubble gum wrapper, another spork, some staples, a red string, an anvil (how in the hell did an anvil fit in his pocket anyway?), and a few other random objects, which he proceeded to discard on the floor.

Vash's puppy eyes had long gone by this time, being replaced with a much more sinister glare; which, because it's Vash, still looked incredibly cute! Anyways...so, Vash was angry now. It was not fair. Wolfwood always treated him like some child. He was Vash the Stampede, for fuzzys sake! (And yes, he did say fuzzy. Stop looking at him like that. Fuzzy is cool and should be respected.) The blond narrowed his eyes. He had had enough. He would not let Wolfwood push him around. He was going to stand up and get what he deserved. He was going to be on top, damn it!

"Please? Please? Puh-leez!!!!" he begged. "Come on, pweety pweety please?" he said, adding a childlike lisp.

"How did all of this stuff get in here?" Wolfwood questioned as he threw a mini-Hummer (the car, perverts. Honestly...) out of his pocket. "You'd think I was some damn animated character or something! Or like...Merry Poppins."

Now, angry as Vash was, he had to giggle, because he got the mental image of Wolfwood as Merry Poppins. Not funny, you say? Ah, but it is! Think of Wolfwood, in the hat, the dress billowing out Marilyn Marlow (not Marilyn Manson, because this would be a completely different story all together) style as he flew off the roof, little umbrella in hand.

See, it IS rather humorous.

So anyway, Vash was giggling. Hard. In fact he had fallen over giggling so hard at said mental image. After discarding several other random and rather queer objects from his pocket, Wolfwood had still yet to find his match. What was he supposed to do? He needed his cigarette! Hearing something that vaguely resembled the sound of a cute furry animal being torture and/or maimed, he looked down to see a giggling blond at his feet.

"What's so funny?" he questioned, somewhat annoyed.

"You'd look funny in a dress!"

Blinking, he took in a deep breath, and prepared to answer. But when he opened his mouth nothing happened, except for the cigarette falling from his lips. Well, what could he say to that? Of course he'd look funny in a dress! Then he narrowed his eyes.

"Shut up!" he said. "Like you'd look any better."

Finally managing to get control of himself, somewhat at least, the blond sat up and stared at the man standing above him. "I'd look a hell of a lot better."

"And what makes you think that?"

"I'm prettier than you are," Vash pointed out.

"You are not!"

"Am too!"

"No, your not. I'm like, really uber, super duper pretty. So there," he countered, sticking out his tongue to further emphasize the point.

Vash stood up and grinned. "Well do you have the beauty mark?" he questioned, pointing to aforementioned beauty mark. "Do you? Do you?"

And something gleamed in the priests dark eyes, and he realized that he didn't really want to know. He took a step back, and smiling somewhat evilly, Wolfwood advanced. He took another step back, and he countered. So on and so forth, and the vicious cycle was continued until they were all the way on the other side of the room, which took a total of about...three steps. Vash mentally cursed in his mind, and wondered where his N'SYNC action figures were when you really needed them. Then he questioned himself as to why in the hell an N'SYNC action figure would help him in this situation. As he continued this odd conversation inside of his cute, spiky little head, he failed to notice Wolfwood leaning in ever so slightly. When he looked up and saw the black haired priest so close to him, he shrieked girlishly and tried to pull back, which was silly since he was already up against a wall. Anyway, Vash ended up hitting aforementioned cute, spiky little head on the wall.

"Ow," he mumbled, raising a hand and rubbing his head. "That hurt!"

Wolfwood grinned. "Do you REALLY want to know where my beauty mark is, Vash?"

The blond stuttered, blushing, eyes darting around the room for any means of escape. The grin widened as the pale face became an even darker shade of red. He leaned in a bit more, and the blond shuddered as he felt warm breath on his face. "Do you want the truth, Mr. Stampede? The full truth and nothing but the truth?"

"Uh..." he said, the word trailing off at the almost predatory look in Wolfwoods eyes.

A few strands of black hair fell in front of his face as leaned forward just a bit more, and he smirked against the blonds ear. "You can't handle the truth."

Vash blushed even darker as he placed his hands on Wolfwood's shoulders to push him away. He then glared, doing his best not to look like the adorable bishounen that he was. Of course it didn't work, and the priest merely laughed at the look on his face.

"Your mean," Vash pouted.

"Is that so?" he questioned as he plopped into a chair and pulled out a bottle of whiskey. Never mind where the whiskey came from, because this is just a stupid humor story, so it doesn't really matter that things can suddenly poof up out of nowhere.

"Yes! Your always calling me names and messing up my hair and taking my hair gel and you won't ever let me on top and now you go and scare the crap out of me just because you have a perverted sense of humor!" he cried in one breath.

Wolfwood rolled his eyes. "I don't call you names, needle noggin."

"You just did!"

"Did not, broom head."

"You did it again!"

"I don't mess up your hair, it's already like that. And I only borrowed your hair gel without telling you. And I DO let you on top."

"Nu-uh!"

"Yes I do! Your just an idiot and you forget stuff!"

"I'm not an idiot...and I don't forget stuff!"

"What did you have for breakfast yesterday morning?"

"Um....donuts?"

"My point exactly. And besides, you always fall off when your on top. Honestly Vash, your too clumsy!"

The blond pouted. "I don't ALWAYS fall off. Besides, it's hard to keep your balance up there!"

"Then why do you want to be on top anyways?"

"Because!" he reasoned brilliantly. "The bottom hurts. I'm very sensitive you know!"

The priest merely shrugged his shoulder and downed his drink. "Blah blah blah. Poor you. Let's all feel sorry for the angsty hero."

"You should!"

"Cry me a river needle noggin."

Vash then glared and turned on his heel. "Fine! If that's how you feel, I'm gonna go spend the night with Meryl and Millie."

Wolfwood watched the blond as he sauntered (yep, sauntered. What? Didn't think Vash could saunter? Well, he does, and he most certainly did!) out of the room.

"He'll be back," he murmured to himself and took another swig of whiskey.

"Stupid priest," Vash mumbled underneath his breath as he headed to the insurance girls room. "Who does he think he is? Calling me an idiot. I'm not an idiot! I'm as smart as they come. I'm an intellectual. I'm...ooooooo!" His eyes lit up happily. "PECKY!"

Now, if your wondering why Vash shouted out Pecky, there is a very simple explanation. There was a poster of Pecky the chicken on the wall. And as we all know, Pecky is everyone's favorite chicken/intergalactic superhero, and Vash's hero! What? You thought Rem was Vash's idol? Well sure, I suppose she did have a SLIGHT influence on him, but come on, it's PECKY!

Vash loved Pecky with all of his bishounen little heart. He had the Pecky action figure, Pecky monopoly game, Pecky underwear (yes, he was wearing them and no you can't see because this story is only rated PG-13 you perverts), Pecky bubble bath, Pecky desk set (including the Pecky pens, pencils, notepads and etc.), AND the Pecky hair gel. Just the sight of Pecky made Vash feel warm and fuzzy inside, and made him want to do the patented Pecky jig of joy! Alas, the Pecky jig of joy WAS patented, and our poor hero could do no jig of joy without getting sued. So, unable to do the honorable Pecky jig of joy, Vash was forced to do an imitation dance, which was even worse then the REAL jig of joy.

The blond turned around in circles three times, red coat billowing out behind him, jumped on his LEFT foot twice, then his RIGHT foot twice (see, if he did the right foot first and the left foot last, then it really WOULD be the Pecky jig of joy, and Vash just couldn't afford to be sued!), put his hands in the air and waved them around. He continued to do this whilst he sang the Pecky theme song.

"Who's the coolest chicken in outer space?

The chicken that will solve any case?

It's…Pecky!

Who's the chicken with the laser army knife?

The chicken that still won't take a life?

It's…Pecky!

Who's the chicken all the chickies want to get?

The chicken who's a gentleman and won't take advantage?

It's…Pecky!

Who's the intergalactic chicken with the very most?

The chicken that saves people from coast to coast?

It's…Pecky!

Go Pecky Go!

Go Pecky Go!

It's your birthday!"

Now sometimes Vash can get a little over excited, agreed? But when it came to Pecky, Vash was like a three-year-old on an extreme sugar, coffee, AND crack high; which is extremely hyper. Almost…dangerously hyper. So when he sang, a lot of people heard. All right, almost everyone on GUNSMOKE heard. But everyone loved Pecky, so that was all right. And Vash has a lovely singing voice, so that was all right too. Anyway, Vash was singing and dancing, blah blah blah, and people heard him, blah blah blah, some stuff happens, and now we're at the point in the program where Vash and Legato are break dancing on top of the roof while Midvalley plays his sax to the tune of the Pecky hip-hop album, Zazie is at the DJ table, and Knives is turning cartwheels while trying to see if he can look down Dominiques shirt.

See? You didn't REALLY miss much.

You may be wondering, Legato? Midvalley? Knives? Zazie (wasn't he cute?!)? Dominique? Why aren't they trying to kill each other? Well because their busy break dancing, playing sax, DJing, doing cartwheels, and being perverted. And honestly, as wonderful as our bishies, mine-bishies, and the kick-ass female member of the Gung Ho Guns are, they aren't all multitalented. So they chose to party over kill each other.

Naturally this would cause quite a ruckus. And wherever there is ruckus, there's usually some type of fun. And who do we know that wants to suck the fun out of everything? Meryl! (There's Meryl bashing galore in this fic. Did I forget to mention that? Must have slipped my mind…oh look! More Pecky posters!)

"Where?"

Shut up Vash!

"But you said Pecky!"

Your not supposed to be able to hear me!

"Oh…who are you?" Vash stopped mid head spin. "God?"

Both Legato and Midvalley paused in their game of hopscotch (Legato got tired of dancing and Midvalley's lips were getting dry) to look over at the blond who was doing a headstand on the table (yeah there's a table on the roof, the put it up there just in case something crazy like this happened!) yelling up into the sky.

"Do you think he's…okay?" Midvalley whispered softly.

Legato shrugged, taking out his lollipop for a moment. "Ask Master if he remembered to take his medication today."

"Do you really think he'd know?'

"Probably…Master knows all!"

Midvalley blinked at him. "Dude, why do you call him Master? I mean…the rest of us just call him Knives."

"Master Master Master…la la la la…"

"Uh…forget I asked…"

"Yo hos keep it down. I'm tryin to get this party going, yo!" Zazie yelled from his position at the DJ table. The two other men simply rolled their eyes and got back to playing hopscotch.

"Scotch?"

Wolfwood…go back to your room and stay there! And you're not supposed to talk to me either!

"Hey Wolfwood, you hear the voices too?" Vash yelled down to his friend, who was standing on the balcony.

The priest looked up. "Uh…yeah. What's going on up there? Do I hear…ruckusing?"

"Yep!" Vash replied. "But you're not aloud to come up here on account of you're a meanie head!"

"I am NOT a meanie head."

"Are too!"

"Fine! See if I care. I don't want to ruckus with you anyway!"

"Fine!"

"Fine!"

"Fine!"

"Fine!"

Would you two shut up already?

"Fine!"

Don't you two get smart with me!

"Sorry!"

Better. Now Wolfwood, go back in your room and finish playing Final Fantasy. Vash…go back to ruckusing.

The two bishies complied to the all might authoresses wishes immediately, on penalty of being banished to the Shadow Realm! Oh wait this is Trigun…not Yu-Gi-Oh…sorry…

"What's a Shadow Realm?" Knives questioned as he leaned on his tip toes, trying as hard as he possibly could to look down Dominiques shirt.

"Whatever it is it sounds like fun!" Legato replied giggling. "Master, will you take us for our next Christmas vacation?"

"Vacation? Vacation? What makes you think I'm giving you a vacation? You do not take vacations from eternal pain and suffering!" Knives yelled.

"We don't?" Midvalley asked.

"No!"

"That sucks! We don't even get dental!"

"I got dental," Legato said.

"You got dental?" Zazie asked. "That's whack yo!"

"Um…hello."

"I got dental," Vash said, finally jumping off of the table.

"Of course you have dental, you're the hero!" Knives yelled, still attempting to get a look at Dominique.

"Did you people forget about me?"

"I don't need dental," Dominique said, slapping Knives across the face. "I have the demons eye! Muwhahahahahaha!"

Knives and Vash watched her, drooling.

"She's sooooo hot when she's suicidal!" the twins cried happily.

"Hello!"

They all turned to see Meryl standing on the roof, her eyes crossed angrily. It seems that they forgot that she was there to cause problems so that they could bash her. Bad, forgetful, oblivious characters.

"You're the one who forgot about her!"

Do you want me to take that lollipop away, Legato?

"…no."

"What are you doing up here Meryl?" Vash asked her kindly.

"I heard a ruckus. And knowing you, something bad will happen. And as a member of the Bernardelli Insurance Agency…"

"Yada yada yada," Legato said, rolling his eyes. "Do we have to here the whole Insurance speech again?"

"I think we heard that more time then we saw the Rem flashbacks," Midvalley commented.

"Listen to me! Vash, you are going to end up hurting yourself and/or others if you do any more ruckusing."

"So what am I supposed to do?" he whined.

"Come down to the room with me and let me control you forever! Muwhahahaha!"

Knives blinked, backing away and pulling his twin with him. "She's NOT hot when she's suicidal."

"Come with me, Vash. Come. I promise to keep you and feed you and hug you and love you and never let you go."

"Feed me?" Vash questioned, eyes wide.

"No!" they all screamed, grabbing a hold of his arms. "Don't listen to her."

"The bitch is psycho yo!" Zazie whispered frantically.

"Hey Master, can we make her feel eternal pain and suffering too?"

"Sure!"

"What do you mean too?" Vash asked Legato suspiciously.

"No Vash, I'm madly in love you!"

"Really? But you keep putting me down and reminding me of how bad things and death always follow me. Besides you kind of remind me of Rem on the times you are being nice to me and I could never be with you because of that. It'd be wrong. Oh by the way would you mind if I slept with you tonight?"

Meryl nearly fainted with excitement. The others looked at him with wide eyes. Vash merely shrugged. Then, after a moment of thinking, he turned towards Dominique.

"Unless you'd consider letting me sleep with you!" Vash said excitedly. 

Dominique stared at him momentarily. "All right," she answered, causing the others to go wide-eyed in surprise. "But only if Knives comes with you as well." She winked at them both.

The twins exchanged glances, shuddered, and began backing away. "Uh…I'll take Meryl but thanks for the offer okay bye!" The blond quickly grabbed Meryl's hand (who was still in Heaven) and ran down the stairs to her room.

"Uh…I've got…things," Knives declared and disappeared.

"Barney is on!" Zazie said and raced down the way Vash and Meryl had disappeared to.

This left Dominique, Midvalley, and Legato standing on the roof.

"Uh…so…what do you guys want to do?" Midvalley asked.

"Uh…I dunno…" Dominique answered.

"Threesome!" Legato yelled, pumping his fist into the air happily.

The other two stared at him blankly.

"What? Vash and Knives are the only one who get action? No fair!"

"Did you just call Knives Knives?" Midvalley asked in astonishment.

"Nu-uh!"

"I heard that!" Knives' voice came from seemingly out of nowhere. "No more dental for you young man."

"Damn!" he cursed. "You guys suck!" 

"It's not our fault you're a pervert!" Midvalley yelled back.

"I lost my dental. I NEEDED that. Do you know how many cavities I get from eating all of that junk food? And it is too your fault!"

"Just because we didn't want a threesome?" Midvalley asked.

"Hey…I never said NO. I just stared blankly," Dominique interrupted.

Both men turned to look at her in confusion. "What?" she asked.

"Oh I give up! I'm never going to get any!" Legato sighed.

"Neither am…hey wait a minute! I'm a friggin musician. See 'ya later!" Midvalley said and raced down to a bar, leaving the other two on the roof.

"If the Horn freak gets laid tonight and I don't I am SO going to take over his mind and make him kill himself!"

Poor Legato. The guy just doesn't have any luck, does he? I'm sure we could find SOMEONE willing to get down and dirty with our one of our favorite psycho bishies. Unfortunately I've rambled on too much already, and now we must change scenes and go back to Vash.

"You mean I'm really not gonna get any?"

Sorry Leggy. Maybe next time.

"NO FAIR!"

Err…yeah. Now we're back to Vash. He was sitting on the bed, bowl of popcorn in hand as he watched the television screen.

"Hollywood, Hollywood!" he sang happily with the three scantly clad women on the TV.

"How could it hurt you it looks so good?

Hollywood, Hollywood!

How could it hurt you when it looks so good?" He bopped his head up and down to the music as the three began the next song.

"Like a virgin, wooh!  
Touched for the very first time, oooh!  
Like a virgin, ha!  
When your heart beats

Next to mine aaaah aaah aaah aaaah ooooh uh uh yeah!"

While he was singing (don't ask me why, I just thought it would be neat to have Vash sing 'Like a Virgin', so deal with it) he failed to notice Meryl standing in the doorway.

"Oh Vaaa-sssh," she sing-songed sweetly.

The blond looked up to see her standing in the doorway to the bathroom. She was wearing a somewhat see through black nighty, had devil horns attached to her head, and held a whip in her hand. His eyes went wide with horror.

"Um…h-hey Meryl. What are you doing with all that?"

"Oh, I think you know," she said, fishing a pair of handcuffs from her nighty. She held them, smirking. "Don't deny that you've wanted this Vash. I know I have."

Vash had no idea what she was talking about. What was she going to do with those handcuffs? And why was she looking at him like that? And she was getting closer. EEP!

"Uh…oh…um…M-M-Meryl…"

"Yes Vash?" she questioned, still moving closer to him.

"I well you see…um…I really l-like you and all…"

"I knew it!" she yelled in excitement. Then, without warning, she pounced on him. Vash yelped as he fell back onto the bed. The insane woman stared down at him, grinning evilly. "I knew you loved me to Vash!"

Before he could say anything, Meryl's lips were pressed to his. His eyes went wide again. No…this could not be happening. Meryl was…kissing…him.

EW! YUCK! SICK! GROSS! HE WANTED IT OFF OF HIM!

After a few minutes Meryl finally pulled back, gasping for breath. "Did you like that Vash?"

"No Meryl!" he cried.

"What?" she questioned him harshly.

"Listen Meryl, I do like you, but not like this. Please…get off of me. I don't want to have to hurt you."

"Hurt me?" she inquired, blinking back tears. "First you ASK if you can sleep with me, then you tell me no, and NOW you're worried about hurting me? You're so cruel Vash. I hate you!"

"You do?"

"YES!"

"Then uh…are you gonna get off of me?"

"NO!"

Vash opened his mouth to protest but Meryl cut him off by forcing another kiss on him. The blond tried to pull away, but it seemed as if the woman had some type of supernatural strength she was using to hold him down. NO! His mind screamed. Frantically he attempted to get in touch with Knives through his mind link.

HELP ME KNIVES! ZAZIE WAS RIGHT, THE BITCH IS PSYCHO! HELP! AHH! AHH! DON'T LET HER TOUCH ME THERE! EEP! RAPE! RAPE! HELP!

Knives sat in the bar, taking another sip of his beer when he heard a buzzing in his mind. He blinked, trying to make out he words.

KELP FEED WIVES! DAISY WAS NIGHT, THE BENCH FIZZ FLIES LOW! KELP! CAH! CAH! WON'T PET NERVE COUCH BEE CARE! LEAP! CAPE! CAPE! KELP!

He blinked and shook his head, immediately dropping his beer. "Man…I've had WAY too much to drink. Unless…Legato or Vash is trying to talk to me."

"Give me back my gum drops you little brat!"

"You ain't never gonna catch me, ya old ho!"

"I am NOT a ho! Give those back!"

"Come 'an get 'em G!"

"Who told you I wear a G-string?!"

Well it seemed Legato was busy, so maybe it was Vash. "I should probably go see if he's all right…BUCKY!"

Knives stopped, eyes wide with joy as he saw a picture of Bucky, the most vicious, evil, villainous woodchuck in the galaxy. You see, Bucky was Pecky's mortal enemy. For as long as he could remember, Knives looked up to Bucky and idolized him. He had the Bucky boots, Bucky bath toys, Bucky video game, Bucky house shoes (yeah, he was wearing them, and you can see those! Look! Aren't they kawai?), Bucky make-up kit (he was just holding for a friend…really!), and the Bucky Christmas musical.

Knives became distracted as he performed the imitation of Becky's dance of doom (he couldn't do the real one for that too was patented), and forgot all about the strange voice in his head. He decided to ignore it as he continued to dance, like he did all the other voices. Not that he had voices in his head. Knives was sane…completely sane, do you understand, foolish mortals! He was NOT going back to that institution. NEVER! Those damned human nurses never let him watch Bucky! That was why the humans must all DIE! They would feel the wrath of the all mighty BUCKY!

Uh…………..back to Vash.

"Meryl, don't!" Knives cried as the woman on top of him began to undo the buttons on his coat. "You don't know what you're doing!"

"Yes I do!" she replied and kissed him again, much to the blonds dismay. "Now just be quiet and hold still!"

"NO! I don't WANT this!" he screamed.

"You SAID you wanted to sleep with me."

"Not like LITERALLY sleep with you, you idiotic psycho! I meant in the same room!"

"It's not like you don't have your own room. Admit it Vash, you want me," she whispered nipping at his neck.

"Like hell!" he screamed. He placed his hands on her shoulders. For a second he wondered if maybe it was wrong to hurt a woman, but decided to screw morals for a half second as he pushed the woman off of him. She hit her head on the side of the bed table, instantly becoming knocked out.

Vash sprang from the bed and rushed out of the room as fast as his ridiculously (but very nice) long legs could carry him. He made it to his room in record time, swung the door open, and jumped inside the room. He managed to shut the door, doing up about twenty different locks and bolts and slowly moved into the room.

"It's about time you got back needle noggin," Wolfwood replied from his spot in front of the TV. "Eh! Another one? How many clones did this Sephiroth guy HAVE? Maybe if he got lucky once in a while he wouldn't be so bent on destroying the world…" he muttered to himself. He looked up, his eyes roaming over Vash's tear stroked face. He pressed save and stood up to walk over to his friend. "Vash…?" he questioned softly. "What happened?"

"M-M-M-Meryl…sh-s-she tri-tried to…tried to…tried t-to…"

"What?" he questioned again.

"Oh Wolfwood it was so awful!" he cried, burying his face in his hands. "She came out wearing this see through thing and had these hand cuffs and…she molested me!"

The priest patted him on the back sympathetically. He genuinely did feel bad for the blond. Who wouldn't after such a traumatic experience as getting molested by the crazy dark haired girl? Vash sniffled a few times, signaling the end of his crying.

"I'm scarred for life! I never meant to lead her on…"

"It's not your fault," Wolfwood assured him, wrapping an arm and his shoulders and leading him to the bed. "You were the victim of a sexual predator. You did nothing wrong."

"Really?" he asked softly.

The priest nodded and bent down, handing the blond his stuffed Pecky plushy. Vash cuddled it closer to him, smiling happily. Wolfwood sighed softly as he slipped his shoes off.

"See Vash? That's why it's just better to take the bottom."

"Or else I'll end up getting molested by crazy women?"

"Exactly!"

The blond frowned but nodded none the less. If this was going to happen every time he ran off when Wolfwood wanted to be on top, then he was never going to complain again! He turned to his side, adjusting to get comfortable, hugging the stuffed chicken to him protectively. He huffed a bit after a half-hour had passed and he STILL wasn't comfortable. Damn it, he really did hate having to take the bottom. The mattress was always so hard.

"We should really stop getting rooms with bunk beds," Vash muttered to himself.

"Quite down there," Wolfwood said, leaning over the side of the top bunk to stare down at the blond.

Vash stuck out his tongue. "You know I hate the bottom!"

"It's for your own good! If you roll around up here and fall down, you'll hurt yourself a lot worse then on the bottom bunk. No go to sleep!"

The blond pouted again. He HATED the bottom bunk. Why'd they always have to put the hard mattress on the bottom? Was the whole world out to get him?!

Legato, Dominique and Midvalley giggled as they ducked behind the window.

"Muwhaha…we've done it yet again," Dominique whispered quietly.

"What better way to execute eternal pain and suffering then by always making sure he gets the hardest mattress?" Midvalley whispered. "We are SO evil."

"We are, aren't we?" she questioned. She looked back, glaring at the blue haired bishounen. "Legato, put those chips up! You're too loud!"

"Loud? I'm not 'da one yellin!" he said, stuffing another handful of bar-b-que chips into his mouth.

Midvalley rolled his eyes and sighed. Poor guy. A chick would lay any musician…except saxophone players. There was no justice in life!

"So what do you guys want to do now?" he asked.

"Three-"

"NOT A THREESOME!" both Dominique and Midvalley yelled, cutting Legato off from his suggestion. Legato pouted and fished out another hand full of chips. Midvalley and Dominique exchanged looks. She scooted a bit closer to him, flashing a grin.

"You know…I've always liked saxophone-"

Before she was even vanished Midvalley heaved her over his shoulder and rushed off to his room. Legato sulked.

"This is wrong. I'm cuter than him." He unrolled his taco, a frown still on his features. "This is just great! Everybody's getting spanked but me!"

"Would you like to change that cutie?"

Taco still hanging from his lips, he turned around, giving a charming smirk (of course he can still smirk with a half-eaten taco in his mouth! He's LEGATO. He's hottness defies the laws of friggin physics and nature!) to whomever it was behind him. His eyes widened when he saw Meryl standing there, now in a black leather cat suit. She cracked her whip.

"NO! NOT YOU! ANYONE BUT YOU!"

"DON'T RUN!"

"DON'T YOU DARE TOUCH ME!

"I THOUGHT YOU WANTED TO GET SPANKED!"

"AHH!"

MASTER! He called in his mind. SAVE ME! SHE'S INSANE! SHE'S TRYING TO MOLEST ME! MASTER! MASTER! GET HER OFF OF ME!

Once again, Knives heard a strange buzzing in his head. Which was odd, since he hadn't been drinking…heavily. He scrunched his brow as he tried to make out the words.

FASTER! SHAVE ME! KEY'S IN LANE! KEY'S CRYING LOU CARESS BEE! FASTER! FASTER! LeFT SHERBET COUGH PUFF BEE!

Knives blinked in confusion. The voices in his head just got queerer and queerer by the day! He shrugged.

"Who's the woodchuck with the nifty powers?

The woodchuck that will never cower?

It's…Bucky!

Who's the woodchuck who can open portals?

The woodchuck who will destroy the mortals?

It's…Bucky!

Who's the woodchuck with the shiny gun?

The woodchuck who finds killing fun?

It's…Bucky!

Who's the woodchuck who will torture them all?

The woodchuck who will never fall?

It's…Bucky!

Go Bucky Go!

Fight Bucky Fight!

Win Bucky Win!

Go…Fight…Win…!

BUCKY!"

* * *

And that's the end of that. I told you it was perverted. And really weird. I know Millie wasn't in here. I couldn't think of anything for her to do. It's not that I don't like her, she's one of my favorite characters. Millie rocks! It's Meryl I can't stand. There won't be another chapter or anything, this was just a stupid, idiotic, plot less, pointless, perverted one-shot done to make me feel better after the all angst.

Legato- I would so get some!

Vash- Pecky!

Knives- I would NEVER worship a woodchuck!

Midvalley- Review please.

Dominique- That was wrong! I would never do anything inappropriate with Midvalley!

I would!

Wolfwood- Uh…please review…for the…err…um…children! Yeah, review for the children! Oh and hey speaking of the children, would guys like to donate? Or you can use THIS CONFESSIONAL! Please send money for the…

We should go now before Wolfwood starts trying to pawn off those Pecky and Bucky actions figures…

Knives and Vash- ACTION FIGURES? YAY!

Oh just review please. No flames since I WARNED you about everything…except the Meryl bashing. Heh. You didn't mind too much, did 'ya? Bye!


End file.
